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Monday, January 16, 2012

She Got Her Own!


Shout out to all my stay at home fathers out there.

Women today are embracing corporate and executive positions that demand them to be away from home and their families for extended periods of time. Regulating men to domesticated duties.

The percentage of female breadwinners has grown significantly. Today women are out graduating men in college and contributing to their households more than ever. In short, They Getting That Bread.

In the 1940`s as men went to support the war effort they left both their families and respective work at home to fight over seas. As a result of the lack of men to fill the factories and jobs across the country, women went to work in unprecedented numbers. This influx of women in the work changed how men thought of themselves.



Back then, and for some today, a man without work is depressing, horrible and despicable. Today this feeling is no stranger to new "Stay at home dads" and men not "Bringing home the bacon."


But to all of you miserable men because your lady is making the money. Get over it! Support it! Women, for a long time were only regulated to domesticity. As a result of both merit and hard work, more and more ladies are deserving and accepting  roles as CEO`s, Partners and Executives.

I see you ladies!


To my future CEO lady out there  I`ll change them diapers, feed them babies, read them stories and clean the house BUT baby make sure I get my Cal (me) time too when you're free.

Its time to give it up to all my ladies and fellas doing their thing. Genuine support comes in complimentary not competitive ways. So if your lady is bringing home the bread, and you the "MAN" are storing it, get over it. Play your role, be thankful you have it. Being a man, is First, being the teammate and support system to Woman.

Shout out to all my Stay at Home Fathers out there enabling their ladies to achieve great successes from the BEDROOM to BOARDROOM and BEYOND.










Cal`s Message to Lamardelorians



Thank you to the people at Lamar Delores for the space to share  my most intimate of thoughts, emotions, and inquiries.

I want YOU to; struggle with, laugh at, make fun of, relate to, discuss, break down, think about, argue, take to the street, get high and wonder on, illuminate,explicate, emotionally outburst to, lie to your girlfriend/boyfriend about, tell a friend some,chew on, BS about, AND read as much as you can handle.

_ I have read and understand the above disclaimer.


Cal & Company 2011



LCALEDELLIIW

I  eat famous biographies for breakfast, novels for lunch, and classics for bed time. I have decided it is time to pick up metaphorical pen and share with all of you...

Your favorite talker turned reader.


Ladies and gentlemen prepare for a refreshing combination of coolness and sophistication similar to a mint.


"I am me. You are who are you. I want all of you to enjoy this experience with no biases other than that of your own, which will subsequently be altered or shut down"
                                                                                                         -Unknown

Much Love,
El Caldwell II

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Is Trust the Anchor in your Relation... Ship??


A mentoree of mine recently called me up for some relationship advice. In most cases, in regards to relationships, when it comes to a “problem”, it is going to revolve around trust. Think about it, when communication fails.. Trust. Insecurities.. Trust... Cheating... Trust. 
I see it this way, if you do not have trust in your relationship, that is, if the foundation of your relationship is not built on trust, then you are headed for disaster. I really do not understand the whole trust thing anyhow. Like all things, I guess its all in the level of maturity. What I do not understand is that if you do not trust a person or if your afraid of that will leave you, why put yourself through so much distress? Why consume your time being jealous, reading their messages, getting mad when they want to go hang out with their friends, calling them every five minutes to see where they are. This process is only accomplishing one thing, preventing the inevitable. Its like trying to prevent a flood with a bucket of water. You may catch some things, but eventually the flood is going to come regardless. Do not waste your valuable time or energy. If a person really wants to be with you... guess what?? They are going to be with you. If a person is going to cheat on you?? This is no big secret, they are going to cheat on you! 
We have to find value in ourselves and know our own worth. Why should we lessen our value by losing our self-worth in the fight for someone who does not want us? It just does not make sense. I know some of you are probably saying, “But you do not understand, we have been through so much.” Yes, I hear where you are coming from, but we can’t let that comfortability be the crutch that keeps the relationship afloat. To love someone is to trust that person. To believe that this person always has your best interest at hand. Trust is not checking on Facebook to see who they are talking to, waiting until they leave the room and glancing through their text messages, or trying to control who they hang out with. Trust is knowing that no matter what, this person love you and at the end of the night, they are coming home to you!
I’d like to know what you think.. Can a relationship survive without trust? We’d like to hear what you have to say. Post a comment below or check me out on Facebook, Hemory Phifer. Notice I said check me out and not check up on me :) 

Saturday, January 7, 2012


“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” - Bob Marley

Food for Thought


     I recently revisited a well known figure in the psychological and philosophical disciplines.  I so happened to run across one of his quotes in a book I was recently reading, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. The quote goes, 
      
     "Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has replaced genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth." - Erich Fromm

     The quote intrigued me so much I decided to find other quotes by the late Erich Fromm. All his quotes seemed to make complete sense to me. You know how you just have those moments in life where the situation, your train of thought, your sense of being is just in the right spot to be open to such profound information? Well, that was me, in fact that is me, currently.
      I meditated on this quote and the other quotes I found. My mind started to wonder and gears began shifting and before I knew it, I felt like I had everything figured out. I felt as if my eyes had opened for the very first time. Everything he said and what I was thinking, just felt right. 
     This is what I realized. We are all shaped or conditioned by many things in life; media, beliefs, morals, traditions, culture, etc. These things depict the way in which we view the world. Put it this way, lets say that we view the world through a pair of glasses. Those glasses are made up of the traditions, beliefs, biases, stereotypes, and your culture. When viewing the world through these spectacles you see the world according to these things. If you dare take those glasses off and see the world without them.. You see the world for what it really is, no biases, no prejudices, no projection of your own thoughts and beliefs that are conditioned in your being. 

      The problem here is that we are all irrational creatures. Lets take a subject that is dear to my heart, Love. If you’ve followed my posting here you will see that I am what many would call, “A hopeless romantic”. Yes, I believe that we all have soul mates, in everlasting love, and happily ever afters. If you take the time and think about it. These are all completely irrational thoughts. We view romantic love as this magical substance that is found by chance, if you happen to be lucky or that only exist in fairytales. You fall in love with a person and they mean the world to you, you cant live without that person, they are the air you breathe. In essence you feel as if you need that person to live. A person that just a few months ago was a complete stranger to you. Does this not sound a bit irrational to you? The only rational point to be made here is that you choose to fall in love. It is a choice and it doesn't just happen. Yes, there are many variables and special circumstances that allow this phenomena, but in the end it was a choice.

     We see this form of love and then we see the love for people that we did not choose. Your mom, your dad, your brothers, sisters...etc. You had no choice in choosing wether to love these people. You were born into a family and over time experienced the good and the bad, tragedies, happy moments, and you were conditioned to feel intimately close to these people. We just so happened decided to call that love. How is that we can meet someone and a few months later say we love them and in the same token grow up with someone our entire lives and still have the same love? My theory is that love is the product of time and experience. Put into practice, if we spend enough time with a person, indulge in multiple experiences with this individual, we will grow to love them. After all if we look at the premise of marriage in its beginnings this is what happened. Two people were married under certain family obligations, not love, and in time they grew to love one another. 
     Somehow love changed and the whole premise behind marriage evolved into this romantic fairytale. There is no mystery what changed it because the truth is in the media. Fairytales and Disney movies introduced us to this new romantic love and happily ever afters. Then Hollywood adopts this and goes wild with it. Don’t get me wrong I am not against love. I again, am a “Hopeless Romantic” by nature. I just feel that we should take the time and examine the irrationalities of the concept of love. We should take the time to examine the irrationalities in life. Love, such as life, is what you make it. Then again this entire article may just be a phase...

     Lets discuss this further, if this caught your interest and you want to continue this discussion.. Check me out on Facebook... Hemory Phifer or comment right under here... Until next time... Keep it rational people!!